People who have certainty on their ability to produce a product are confident in their competence.
Those who are prepared to look at what is there, who do not flinch away from things they do not like are not afraid, they are confident.
Those who feel prepared to face life, who know want they want and where they are headed are certain and confident.
When you are honest and ethical you are not looking over your shoulder, wondering and worrying if you have been or will be found out. You are set up to be confident
People who have someone in their circle who invalidates or belittles them or their work, undermines or contradicts their decisions, dismisses them or their opinions or in any way makes them feel smaller will find it more difficult to retain confidence.
Very rarely is life a steady stream of wins. There are often setbacks – personal, business, financial, relationship, physical – for which strong personal resiliance is an invaluable buffer.
Lastly, imagine how you might feel if every time you sat down to plan out your day or week you did a mental review of every failure you had ever suffered. I doubt it would be a good feeling.
This could be considered a consistent stream of self-invalidation, something you would not permit from another person.
These observations lead to the conclusion that genuine, bone-deep confidence is built on purpose, courage, prediction, competence, personal ethics and freedom from suppression.
Having a close circle of family/friends who support you and your goals adds a large degree of comfort to life. And is a major factor in longevity!
Notice I differentiate genuine confidence from putting on a brave face, exhibiting bravado or being brash.
Genuine confidence is often quiet, not flashy or showy. It is often associated with reliability, stability and certainty.
There is nothing wrong with the advice to ‘fake it till you make it’ but make it genuine as soon as you can by developing those skills and characteristics underlying genuine confidence.
If you already have a goal or know your basic purpose in life, tick that box. If not, head over to my article on ‘How To Work Out Your Basic Purpose In Life’: https://www.tomgrimshaw.com/tomsblog/?p=37862
The ability to face what is actually there rather than what you expect to be there, rather than what you want to be there, rather than what you wish was there requires a high level of courage.
Most people do not confront the people and circumstances of their environment.
Those who can better observe understand more. They are more capable and competent at doing what it takes to work efficiently and getting products.
If a person who wanted to be more confident were to focus their attention on increasing
their awareness,
their ability to confront,
their ethic level and
performing their tasks as competently as possible to as high a standard as possible and
handling anyone in their environment who manifested counter intention to their survival or happiness then
their confidence would rise as a direct result.
Specific Tips
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Make it a habit to look more, see what is there and recognise it for what it is.
If someone does something that frustrates you, ask yourself, “What am I seeing here?” with brutal frankness. Follow that with, “What do I want to do in response to that?”
Remember, someone disappointing you is less a reflection on them as it is on your inabiity to predict their action. The better you know people the less surprises you will receive.
Be the sort of person you are proud to be by only doing those things you would be prepared to have everyone know.
Develop an ethic framework of what you will allow in your actions and in those of your associates. Set clear boundaries for yourself and others and be prepared to communicate those boundaries when appropriate.
Be prepared to call out unethical action on the part of others.
Be honest in reviewing situations where you feel you did not live up to your own ideal ethic level and change your framework to ensure no repeats of that situation.
Curate the people you allow to enter and remain in your circle. Ask if that person adds value to your life? If you add value to their life without them constantly draining you.
Own your decisions.
Celebrate small wins privately.
I often suggest to a person that they maintain an exercise book labeled ‘Wins and successful actions.” I recommend they add to the book every time they have a win, noting those actions that contributed to the win. This will ensure no loss of awareness of what contributed to each success.
Once a month review your increase in skills and wins. You will find it highly encouraging, even confidence building!
Then make a list of those specific skills you wish to focus on for the coming month.
To your ever growing competence and confidence.
Tom Grimshaw
tom@tomgrimshaw.com
Additional Reading:
How To Work Out Your Basic Purpose In Life:
https://www.tomgrimshaw.com/tomsblog/?p=37862
Addressing Procrastination:
https://www.tomgrimshaw.com/tomsblog/?p=67238
How To Boost Self-Discipline:
https://www.tomgrimshaw.com/tomsblog/?p=67086