Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older:

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years – unless you give them your email address.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. 
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers.   What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.