In 2018, researchers from the University of Helsinki spent half a year with the Kaluli people in Papua New Guinea. What stunned the observers most was what occurred every night after dusk.
Before sleep, Kaluli children would gather around the communal flame and voice aloud their scary or hurtful events from the day—falls, grief, or even bad dreams. The elders didn’t interrupt them. They didn’t try to immediately soothe or shush them. They simply listened until the child’s breathing naturally calmed.
The Kaluli call this “night purging”—releasing dreads before slumber so the mind can relax.
Western science actually backs this up. Voicing fears aloud settles the mind and nervous system. Stifling them—which is what many of us do when we say “don’t dwell on bad stuff before bed”—actually keeps the stress loop active, forcing the body to process that lingering fear throughout the night.
(Tom: There is a huge difference between “dwelling on bad stuff” and voicing your fears. One is introverting, the other is cathartic.)
As the Kaluli state: “The body rests when the story halts.”
This ancient habit trains children to meet their feelings head-on instead of fleeing from them—the exact opposite of the modern push for “sleep quiet.” It teaches that emotions are meant to be discharged, not stored.
Test it tonight. Voice your darkest thoughts or heaviest stresses of the day out loud—preferably to another who will acknowledge without evaluation or invalidation. Then, simply breathe until your heart rate slows. You will likely sense an instant ease; the mind stops dreading the gloom once the source of that gloom has been titled and released.
Just as vital as naming our fears is being honest with ourselves—letting it all out instead of holding it back. Children naturally voice what they sense, but as grownups, we learn to store it within. It’s time to learn how to let it go.