(Tom I saw the above image and this post. Comment below.)
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough, and we’ll be more content when they are.
After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice holiday, when we retire.
The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?
Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
A quote comes to mind from Alfred D. Souza. He said,
“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”
This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time…and remember that time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until winter, until your song comes on, until you’ve had a drink…. there is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Work like you don’t need money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
And dance like no one’s watching.
(Tom: First, some definitions:
grateful: feeling or showing an appreciation for something done or received.
content: willing to accept a particular thing; satisfied, accept as adequate despite wanting more or better.
happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
My perspective is that there are three desirable states:
1. being content with what good you currently have in your life,
2. being constructively discontent and working towards a better scene for yourself and others and
3. being happy.
There might seem to be some contradiction in these conditions of being but if you work at it you can maintain a balance and keep these three balls in the air. Let’s explore how.
Content versus Discontent
Many people are discontent with what they have. They allow that to make them unhappy. They do not apply the definition of content that includes, ‘accept as adequate despite wanting more or better’.
Many are destructively discontent with their existing life. They experience unhappiness about what they do not have. Most likely they have been upset with the scene so go out of communication with it. And you cannot solve a problem you are out of communication with! Without being in communication with an area they cannot come up with a solution to changing it so cannot formulate a concrete plan. Hence, no progress.
Which leads to the first step to improving anything – get more into communication with it!
A constructive discontent builds a desire to improve, it looks for a way to solve barriers to progress. Constructive discontent gets into communication with all elements of the situation. The more in communication with it you are, the more likely you are to have a light bulb moment and solve the problem!
Production and Morale
You may have noticed that when you overcome an obstacle towards you attaining a goal you feel happy.
You may have also noticed that when you produce something you feel happy.
Therefore you may be forgiven for thinking that happiness comes about from overcoming obstacles and producing things, goods or services. I know I do.
The might seem to be contrary states of being but if you work at it you can attain the peace of mind by being content with what you have concurrently with a desire to improve conditions while attaining happiness overcoming obstacles and producing products progressing towards accomplishing your goals.
Your Action Plan
Here’s a little exercise to help you attain this state of being:
1. Make a list of everything you are grateful for in your past or present.
Take a moment to feel content about those things.
2. Make a list of those things in your life you would like to change or improve.
For each item write a skill or ability you could acquire that would help you change that condition.
3. Set a sequence for the acquisition of those skills and abilities, most important first.
4. For the first skill or ability, work out how you will attain it. You might need to set conditional targets before you can start attaining the skill. For instance you might need to set aside some money to pay for a course or coach, or gather data so you can evaluate prospective coaches. You might need to ‘sell’ your significant other on the time or money it will take to start this journey. You may find it useful to help them with these steps so you are both working on your shared goals or at least supporting each other on your individual goals, if they do not match.
5. Make a start on your action plan.
6. Keep at it, even if you encounter obstacles. Nothing worthwhile was ever achieved without some sweat, sometimes some blood.
7. Give yourself a pat on the back and celebrate your milestones and wins. Allow yourself to be happy for the small progresses as well as the big wins.