So the big event in our household this last week was Jarrod and Tammy’s wedding. Barely a dry eye in the place.
And the unsuspecting couple let me know in advance I was going to be given the microphone!
So I had a chance to pen some tips for them.
Feel free to apply them or pass on some or all of them.
Here’s what I said:
Seven Tips and Our Wish For You
Julie and I would like to thank Mr and Mrs Chan, Tammy and Jarrod for your hospitality today.
Thank you also to our family and friends for coming to celebrate this time with us.
Especially those who have traveled so far to be here today.
This is a time of joy and celebration.
A celebration of the joining of two lives and the coming together of two families.
So we should rejoice unreservedly on this happy occasion.
Especially since Jarrod picked such a wonderful girl in Tammy.
She is not loud or annoying, flighty or irresponsible.
She is compassionate, caring and a great partner for Jarrod.
As I hope he is for her.
So I congratulate Jarrod on his choice of partner.
And her father Tommy’s a great cook!
So I think both Jarrod and we did well.
Now I could spend my time entertaining you with stories of our son and what an energetic, intelligent,
energetic, dedicated, energetic, loyal, energetic, conscientious and energetic soul he is.
But you have met him and you know that from your own observation.
But my choice is to have you witness some words of wisdom I wish to share with these two newlyweds.
And if both they and you glean something from my words, my speech writing time will have been doubly well invested.
Any beginner can sail well in calm waters and gentle breezes.
But life is not all plain sailing, it has its dramas too.
There are also storms with strong gales and heavy seas.
And it is these storms that drive poorly captained ships to the bottom of the sea.
So I have seven pieces of sailing advice for these two mariners as they set sail together on the sea of life.
Sometimes we err and do not accurately predict the consequences of our actions.
This can lead to arguments and disappointments.
When you are tired, hungry, disappointed or upset, learn to censor your tongue.
When lesser people would lose their temper and let loose with harsh words, I encourage you to exercise discipline.
For a harsh word, spoken in anger, can cut where no knife can reach.
So I repeat, learn to discipline your tongue.
Never say something to a spouse in anger you would not say to a friend or colleague for fear of losing them.
In order to feel better, go for a walk and look at things.
Beware the teller of tales against your partner.
For often they seek to drive a wedge between you.
The competent person validates the rightness in another.
The fearful person is always pointing out how bad she, he or it is.
Know this fact well.
Lack of knowing it has perished civilisations let alone destroyed lives.
It is said that a relationship lasts as well as the parties have no secrets from each other.
So do nothing you would not feel OK your partner knowing and, failing that high goal,
continue to harbour no misdeeds or transgressions that go unconfesssed to your partner.
A marriage or a friendship are purely created relationships.
They do not happen automatically.
In fact, if you stop creating a relationship and put it on automatic, like an unsteered ship, it eventually sinks.
And since a marriage is a purely created relationship, I encourage you both to set aside some small time each day
and a larger amount of time each week to create it with each other.
Even when life appears to be too busy to fit it in, make the time!
Let each of you make your partner’s happiness and the retaining of their friendship one of your principle aims in life.
One way to do that is always be on the lookout for things to admire and respect in the other person.
Then tell them what you observe.
And if it is true that you get that on which you put your attention, what an admirable partner you are creating by doing so!
The two of you are now a team.
Team mates fighting with each other is not a mark of sanity.
Your fight should always be with an external opponent, never between you.
If ever either of you find yourself pitted against your partner in the game of life, stop as soon as you recognise it.
Jointly select a better opponent and repartner with your spouse against the more appropriate opponent.
In life, as in dancing, two people cannot lead at the same time.
Someone has to lead.
In some areas of the marriage it will be Tammy who leads, in others it will be Jarrod.
If you ever disagree with the other’s captaincy, talk to them about it, in private.
Get the other to share their facts and explain their reasoning.
Share your facts and your reasoning.
Communicate on it until you reach agreement.
This last is if you two decide to embark on the wild adventure that is parenting.
Jarrod, I task you with making sure Tammy gets some “Self” time each week.
A time she can withdraw from the constant reach that a mother has towards her charges.
A time to call her own when she can withdraw and recharge her spiritual, emotional and physical batteries.
It is one of the best investments you can make in a happy home.
It has been said that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
That hand needs to be a calm and steady hand, not a nervous, distracted, oeverworked or frantic one.
Remember and apply these tips.
They will contribute greatly towards you having a long, healthy, happy life and a loving, stable relationship.
Our long term wish for you both is
that you continue to find comfort and joy in each other’s company,
that you each achieve your personal and professional objectives while contributing to the benefit of your fellow man,
that you live long enough to be as much of an embarrassment to your children as Julie and I have been to ours,
that your children’s, children’s, children bounce energetically on your knobbly old knees as you sit peacefully together,
and may you live healthy and without illness to a very, very ripe old age.
Please be upstanding so we can toast the health, wealth and happiness of the bride and groom.
To Tammy and Jarrod!