Category: Humour/Humor

Someone asked if it were fiction or non-fiction. I replied:

Definitely starts with a non-fiction beginning, Natrual Disasters, Human Tragedy, Environmental Catastrophe rapidly moving to more global real-life Drama, Biological Warfare, Scientific Fraud and Corruption, Suspense, Intrigue, Mystery, Psychological Thriller, Mind Cotrol Propaganda Case Study, Grass Roots Protests and closing with Political Intrigue and high stakes drama with threatened Political Coup and leaving the door open to futher stories on Orwellian Nightmare, Global Food Shortages, Mass Starvations and Financial Meltdowns.

Something for everyone really!

Here’s your LOL for today!

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance. As Leo Rosten writes, “no other word, and no other language,” can do it justice. This example is better than 1,000 words.

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.

Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.

This went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke.

One day, as the young man passed the old lady’s stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

Without blinking an eye she said: “They’re 35 cents now.”

(If you never saw The Little Shop of Horrors it is a man-eating plant.)

I read a meme a while ago that said people who like to read would never finish cleaning an attic. I can see some truth in that!

I LOVE this!

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 8:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
10. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “East.”
19. Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Which one is YOUR favorite?

Still chuckling at 10 althought 19 was a close second and many others were too close to the truth to be funny!