Category: Humour/Humor

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Gandhi

A lovely little anecdote about one of life’s more interesting characters.
When Mahatma Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a professor by the name of Peters disliked him intensely and always displayed animosity towards him. And because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected, there were always ‘arguments’ and confrontations.
One day Mr Peters was having lunch at the University dining room when Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to him.
The professor said, “Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat. “Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry, professor. I’ll fly away”, and he went and sat at another table.
Peters, red with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions.
Unhappy and frustrated, Mr Peters asked him the following question: “Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “The one with the money, of course.”
Mr Peters, smiling sarcastically, said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom.”
Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”
Mr Peters, by this time, was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi’s exam sheet the word “idiot” and handed it back to him.
Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk, trying hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move. A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr Peters, you autographed the sheet, but you did not give me a grade.”

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Lift Notice

Lift Notice
One of my younger brothers sent me a challenge for you grammar Nazis out there. How many grammatical, syntax, spelling, idiom and plain errors can you find? I got to a baker’s dozen.

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Conversation in heaven

Ruth: Hi! Jeannie.
Jeannie: Hi! Ruth. How’d you die?
Ruth: I froze to death.
Jeannie: How horrible!
Ruth: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
Jeannie: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
Ruth: So, what happened?
Jeannie: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
Ruth: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer — we’d both still be alive!

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STUD ROOSTER

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
‘OK old fart, Time for you to retire.’ The old rooster replies, ‘Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me, can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?’
The young rooster says, ‘Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.’
The old rooster says, ‘I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.’
The young rooster laughs. ‘You know you don’t stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start..’
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast! The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and – BOOM! – He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, ‘Dammit… …third gay rooster I bought this month.’
Moral of this story? …
Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!
OLD GUYS RULE! (don’t mess with us)