George Carlin – Governments Don’t Want
Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn’t keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well.
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had another and didn’t love her;
Peter learned to read and spell,
And then he loved her very well.
The Evolution Of War Projectiles
The Bronze Rat
A tourist walked into a Brighton antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway.
He took it to the owner and said: ‘How much is this bronze rat?’
The owner replied: ‘It’s £12 for the rat, and £100 for the story.’
The tourist gave the owner his £12 and said: ‘I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story.’
As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him.
This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster,
but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.
He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach,
and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now
numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster.
By now very concerned, he ran down to the pier and
threw the bronze rat far out into the water.
Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water
after it and were all drowned.
The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said:
‘Ah, you’ve come back for the story then?’
‘No,’ said the tourist, ‘I came back to see if you’ve got a bronze Psychiatrist, a Pedophile, Politician or a Lawyer?
And Now For Some Comic Relief…
Larsony
Life (of a Body)
Misuse can cause termination.
User of should but rarely does, assume full responsibility for nearly unlimited potential for creation by use of or destruction by misuse.
Date Clash!
My mate won two tickets for the AFL GRAND FINAL with travel exceptions granted. There is the plane tickets, box seats plus penthouse accommodation and $1000.00 for miscellaneous expenses. When he won them, his wedding date had not been finalised. Now it turns out the only date available at the church for their wedding is on AFL Grand Final Day – so he can’t go.
If you’re interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at the Baptist Church at 3pm on ……..
Strange, but not many girls laugh at this joke.
Listen! We need to talk about wombats.
Click this link ye who desire a belly laugh!
https://theoatmeal.com/comics/wombats