Author: TomsWrite

If you are anything like me, you will be improving your ability to do this for years if not decades to come. So start doing this and while you are improving your ability with this, continue with the remaining steps.

From a philosophical perspective, you get that on which you put your attention. Happiness or sadness are alike a state of mind that the individual chooses with which to approach life.

If I were to sit here and think enough about sad things for long enough I am sure I could make myself feel depressed. I don’t wish to live life depressed so I know not to do that.

I remember 40+ years ago when my wife’s and my first pregnancy resulted in a stillborn baby, we received a card from one of Julie’s cousins who wrote, “I try to remember it is not what happens to us in life but how we respond to it that shapes our life.”

At that time if my wife and I failed to make the deliberate decision to move on, if instead we chose to sit and grieve over that loss we might never have tried again and gotten the three wonderful beings we call our children, their spouses and our 6 grandchildren. Scary thought!

Most people do not know that what they think about is under their own control. Most people run on automatic, giving rent-free room to whatever thought pops into their head. They do not know that they can make conscious, deliberate choices about what thoughts they choose to entertain. Just like you choose what movies to watch in order to be entertained, you can choose which thoughts you entertain and which you kick to the kerb.

The thing to recognise is that what stays front and centre in your mind is what you keep thinking about. If a sad, depressing or harmful thought pops into your head there is no reason to entertain it in your mind any more than you would entertain a burglar who came in through an open window in your home. Just as there are several options to get the burglar back out of your house and onto the street, so there are several options to take your attention of the dark thoughts that invade your thinking.

First thing to do is recognize that it is a dark thought that is not welcome, then take your attention off it. Deliberately and with malice aforethought, direct your attention onto something else. It could be your ‘to do’ list for the day, an upcoming event, a project, your major goal in life, doesn’t matter what, just redirect your attention. Every time you do this it will build your mental ‘refocus’ muscle.

You didn’t know you had that muscle, did you? It is not a physical muscle but a no less valuable function of your discipline. I am guessing quite a few times you’ve been to told to focus or concentrate but nobody has shown you how to refocus or divert your attention from something. Many is the story or movie told about people who let negative thoughts occupy their attention with disastrous consequences but never have I seen anybody place the proper attention on learning how to refocus.

I deliberately choose not to think about the sad things that happen to me or destructive responses to harms done me. I do the following:
Confront the true cause of the problem,
Take responsibility for what part I had in creating the situation,
If appropriate, warn others,
If necessary and possible, do what I can to handle it then
Move on.

I take my attention off it and focus on the good in life which the main stream media news take great care to avoid.

If you read the newspapers or watch the news you are paying them with your money and your time. STOP DOING IT! Stop thinking black thoughts. Whenever your thoughts start to go there, instantly redirect them. Look at something. Strengthen your “refocus” muscle!

For a few minutes every day, practice deliberately changing what you are thinking about to something else. Do this until you become expert at changing what you think about any time you wish.

In a month that alone will make you feel a whole bunch better!

Next skill to improve is to reduce the time between when the black thoughts come in and you refocus. The faster the better. The goal is instantaneous. Thought comes in, BANG! Refocus occurs. This is a lot easier to accomplish when you have a burning desire to achieve a goal on your basic purpose line.