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INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, So I accepted.”
Here are the scorecards from the event:
CHILI # 1 MIKE’S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
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CHILI # 2 ARTHUR’S AFTERBURNER CHILI
JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
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CHILI # 3 FRED’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced from all the beer.
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CHILI # 4 BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT just like this nuclear waste I’m eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
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CHILI # 5 LINDA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very Impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off?
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
“Screw those rednecks!”
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CHILI # 6 VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my rear with a snow cone!
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CHILI # 7 SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a damed thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. Screw it, I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just inhale it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

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Destroy Marriage?

George Soros
The anti-social personalities are out to destroy our society. Recognise their handiwork and do not buy their garbage. Figuratively and literally.

Sophie York from the Marriage Alliance writes:
How would you feel living in a world without marriage?

On Fridays, I usually send you a wrap up of the weekly news, but something particularly concerning happened yesterday that I wanted to highlight specifically. The above comment was tweeted by GetUp! campaign director Sally Rugg, a leader of the campaign to redefine marriage. After significant pushback, she claimed it was just a joke

But this was no joke. Ms Rugg has previously said that the push to redefine marriage is “not even really about marriage… the reform sends a message.”
And a few years back, same-sex marriage activist Masha Gessen made a similar public comment:

“The institution of marriage should not exist.”

She wasn’t joking either.

None of these comments are funny, because the people who made them were not joking. These were not attempts at humour, they reveal the true agenda of many extreme activists in Australia today.

It is an agenda that seeks to stifle your freedom of speech, to indoctrinate your kids, and to ‘destroy marriage’.
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Billionaire George Soros has ties to more than 50 ‘partners’ of the Women’s March on Washington

GetUp! was established by ­activists Jeremy Heimans and David Madden with funding from Soros. The Labor-affiliated Construction Forestry Mining Energy Union donated $1.1 million to the group. Bill Shorten and John Hewson are former board members. A major funder listed on its 2014-15 Australian Electoral Commission expenditure return is Avaaz, the US GetUp! ­affiliate that has received copious amounts of funding from Soros networks.
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/opinion/dumped-files-show-influence-of-george-soros-on-western-politics/news-story/937a225e62420ea3807bd8308b0dad83

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Grassroots campaign launched to #SaveNaturalNews

The extreme censorship onslaught against Natural News continues by Google, which blacklisted the entire website without warning.
Today we’ve launched these buttons and banners that you can use to show your support for NaturalNews.
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/petition-ban-googles-blatant-suppression-free-speech Sign this White House petition NOW. It’s already exceeded 10K signatures.
Tweet out using hashtag #SaveNaturalNews to join the fight to support our right to engage in public debate on the important issues of our time.
http://www.naturalnews.com/2017-02-24-google-now-cites-obscure-ad-code-in-old-blog-posts-in-a-blogs-subdomain-as-their-reason-for-blacklisting-the-entire-naturalnews-com-website-insane.html Read about the “selective scrutiny” being applied to Natural News and the technical “justification” Google is giving to excuse the total censorship of the entire site.
And find out how Google has just become the internet’s #1 BULLY for enabling outrageous hate speech against Natural News while stripping us of any ability to defend ourselves.
Thank you for your support. We will prevail. The truth will not be silenced and I will not be intimidated into silence. Go to NaturalNews.com each morning and evening by typing it directly into your browser. Stop using Google entirely. Do not trust the internet gatekeepers, as they are deliberately silencing the truth.

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Hold Your Enthusiasm

Hold Your Enthusiasm
For a great many people who have no means of discharging the accumulated pain from life’s losses, retaining or recovering their enthusiasm is a very hard thing to do. Here are some things you can do to stay or rise further up the scale than sinking lower:
1. Take a daily walk. At least 20 minutes. While you are walking, don’t think, just look. Don’t get any more significanty than that. Just look. Looking creates space for a being and brings you into present time and sheds the impact from past emotional traumas.
2. Get a good night’s sleep each day. If something prevents you from doing that, FIX IT as a matter of high priority.
3. Hydrate the body throughout the day. Most people find water easier than doing fresh vegetable juices but the latter hydrates AND nourishes.
4. Eat well. Mostly plant based and no processed foods. Do a meal plan for the week and purchase accordingly. Have healthy snacks for when you need a blood sugar boost in a hurry and you would normally resort to less than optimum nutrition.
5. If you have anything wrong with your body, get it fixed. Find what caused it and change your operating basis so that is not repeated. Most GPs are reasonable at diagnosing the easier ails but they are not allowed to cure anything. Sound too strong a statement? It is actually illegal for anyone to claim they can cure a bunch of illnesses.
6. Handle or eschew people who are toxic to your well being. Sadly, there are some people whose joy in life is other people’s pain. No matter who they are you are better off without them.
7. Discover what your basic purpose is in life and start learning about it (you never stop learning) and working on it. When you do, progress through life will gradually transform from like walking through molasses in the middle of winter to like a hot knife cutting through warm butter. If you cannot figure out your basic purpose, call me. I have some techniques that can help you uncover it.
8. Finish those incomplete tasks you have on your plate. They occupy attention units for which you have far better use.
9. Repair any upsets you are holding on to, especially with people close to you.
10. Increase the quality and quantity of your communication with those around you.
11. Listen to music. Music not only has the power to soothe the savage beast it can lift the soul to new heights.
12. Read. You can’t live long enough to make all the mistakes and learn all the lessons yourself. Read and learn and be inspired.
13. Help someone. It takes your attention off yourself and makes you feel good. Every person’s basic purpose is a specialisation or focus of the desire to help.
14. If you can, travel. Experiencing other lands and cultures really does broaden one’s horizons.
15. Improve your ability to be there with the person in front of you and communicate to them as they are, here and now. Not who they were. Not who you think they should be or who you want them to be but the person they actually are, right here and now.
16. Allow the person originating to you to finish what they are saying without interrupting them or prematurely acknowledging them. Only when they are done, acknowledge them, fully.
17. Hold to your personal integrity. Don’t do anything, say anything or be anywhere you are not comfortable with. Don’t allow anything to occur in your zone with which you disagree without saying or doing something about it. Live the sort of life you would feel comfortable sharing with your parents and others would like to emulate.