An Irish Priest is Transferred to Texas

He rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
“Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
“And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Catholic Church.
There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’ yer lads to take care of the matter.”
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites.”
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Then, Father O’Malley replied, “Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”

How to get to Heaven from Ireland

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, ‘If I sold me house and me car, had a big jumble sale and gave all me money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’
‘NO!’ the children answered.
‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, the answer was ‘No!’ By now I was starting to smile.
‘Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved me husband, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, they all answered ‘No!’. I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, ‘ Then how can I get into heaven?’
A six year-old boy named Mark shouted out “YU’V GOTTA BE FUK’N DEAD…….”

Change the Rules So Large Corporations Pay Their Fair Share!

Big polluters like Chevron could soon be forced to pay their fair share of tax in upcoming budget announcements — and they’re fighting tooth and nail to stop this.
This broken system gives big polluters such generous tax deductions that no new revenue will be collected for decades to come. As a result, people like you and me are losing out on billions of dollars that could fund our schools, hospitals, and roads.
The Senate is running an inquiry into this tax right now. Submissions close in just a few days on 30th March. I added my voice, can you add yours too?
https://actions.sumofus.org/a/add-your-voice-make-big-polluters-pay-their-fair-share-of-tax