Category: Humour/Humor

I LIKE sourdough! Especially rye.

If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?

I dunno, my big toe is pretty good at it too. And my soles are great for finding lego pieces in the dark!?

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness.
Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”
The man perks up.
“So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out.
If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”
”Yes I have,” says the man.
”And has she helped you make a decision?”
”Yes, she has,” says the man.
”What is your decision?” asks the doctor.
”We’re getting granite kitchen counter tops.”

Our late, lamented poodle Moet was like this. No, on second thoughts, he was a tad more causative. Once merely staring you down faile to achieve the desired result he would bark at you as if to say, “Can’t you see I’m looking at you like I want some!”