Sometimes It Is Hot

You may know that lots and lots of Australians move to Queensland every year. This is an extract of the diary of one such adventurous soul!

August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Brisbane!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful, sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshiper.

September 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th
The temperature hasn’t been below 30 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s kind of windy though, but getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

October 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a daft thing to do. I learnt my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

October 20th
I didn’t see Kitty our cat, sneaking into the car before I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at lunchtime, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank out $3,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat poo. I learnt my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

October 25th
The wind gives me the shits. It feels like a giant bloody blow dryer!! And it’s as hot as hell. The air conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $450,000 house and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

November 4th
It’s 35 degrees. Finally got the ol’ air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but this bloody humidity makes the house feel like it’s about 30.Stupid repairman. I hate this bloody place.

November 8th
If another smartarse says, “Hot enough for you today?” I’m going to throttle him. Bloody heat. By the time I get to work the car’s radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet,and I smell like baked cat!!

November 9th
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol’ car. I thought my arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.

November 10th
The weather report might as well be a bloody recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms will dry up and blow into the bloody pool. Even the palms can’t live in this heat.

November 14th
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 38 today. Now the air conditioner in my car has gone. The repairman came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” My wife had to spend the $2,500 house payment to bail my arse out of jail for assaulting the repairman. Bloody Brisbane. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?

December 1st
WHAT????? This is the first day of summer???? You are @#?*@! kidding!