The Old Days
Nursing Home Christmas Party
As Christmas memories fade, reports are coming in of a wild and woolly scene at one nursing home…
Arithmetic and Logic
An American farmer died, leaving his 17 horses to his three sons.
When his sons opened up the Will it read:
My eldest son should get 1/2 (half) of total horses;
My middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third) of the total horses;
My youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the total horses.
Since it’s impossible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, the three sons started to fight with each other.
So, they decided to go to an Australian farmer who lived next door that they considered quite smart, to see if he could work it out for them.
The Australian read the Will patiently;
after giving due thought, he brought one of his own horses over, increasing the total to 18 horses.
Now, he divided the horses according to their father’s Will.
Half of 18 = 9. So he gave the eldest son 9 horses.
1/3rd of 18 = 6. So he gave the middle son 6 horses.
1/9th of 18 = 2. So he gave the youngest son 2 horses.
Now add up the number of horses they have:
Eldest son 9
Middle son 6
Youngest son 2
TOTAL: 17
Now this leaves one horse over, so the Australian takes his horse back to his farm.
Problem Solved!
Moral:
The attitude of negotiation and problem solving is to find the 18th horse i.e. the common ground. Once a person is able to find the 18th horse, the issue is resolved. It is difficult at times; however, to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there is a solution. If we think that there is no solution, we won’t be able to reach any!
That’s what I call clever Mathematics and if in doubt always ask an Australian!
What The Hell Is It?
About Eating Lettuce
For if you have a teenage boy who does not want to eat his greens…
How To Install A Home Security System
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of ‘Guns & Ammo’ Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Blue,
We’ve gone for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t
mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning
and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it
was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cheers,
Wacka
Constipation Solution
A photo caption contest was held for this photograph… …and this is the caption that won the first prize. Look carefully in the background.
Retirement Home Calendar
The Contilia Retirement Group in Essen, Germany, made what is probably the best calendar ever with a few of their seniors.
According to German press, 5000 calendars were printed. And they were given out to residents of the Senior Centre, along with relatives and staff.
The calendar models were interviewed about the project and said it was a ton of fun to dress up as their favorite actors.
The shoot was done with professional stylists and photographers to make sure everything looked as cool as possible.
The oldest senior involved with the calendar was 98 years OLD!
January – James Bond
Wilhelm Buiting, 89
February – Breakfast at Tiffanys
Marianne Brunsbach, 86
March – Titanic
Erna Rütt, 86, and Alfred Kelbch, 81
April – Rocky
Erwin J von der Heiden, 80
May – Mary Poppins
Erna Schenk, 78
June – Seven Year Itch
Ingeborg Giolbass, 84, and Erich Endlein, 88
July – Blues Brothers
Lothar Wischnewski, 76 and Margarete Schmidt, 77
August – Cabaret
Martha Bajohr, 77
September – Giant
Joanna Trachenberg, 81 and Horst Krischat, 78
October – Saturday Night Fever
Irmgard Alt, 79 and Siegfried Gallasch, 87
November – Dirty Dancing
Johann Liedtke, 92 and Marianne Pape, 79
December – Easy Rider
Walter Loeser, 98 and Kurt Neuhaus, 90
Throw Another Snake On The Barby
I could have sworn Hoges said shrimp!