Category: Inspiration

Some great advice for those who wish to help someone struggling!

Grief Groceries!

I saw this letter today- as a funeral directors son, I have been around this for years. This is some of the best advice I have ever seen.

“Hey there, Thanks for writing. I’m really glad your friend has you in her life.

I get it. Grief is a funny thing. It’s the time in our life when we most need help, and also the time when asking for help is so hard. Not because we are ashamed to ask for help, although that happens sometimes too. But mostly because our brain just sort of shuts down.

When my Dad died, I looked functional. But I wasn’t OK. Not at all. And when the news got out, the ton of people flooding me with calls, texts, and DM’s was overwhelming. I really couldn’t function. I sat on the swing in our yard and just stared into space.

People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea.

“Well, anything you need at all, let me know, OK?”
“OK”.

They hung up. I stared into space some more.

I had no idea what to do. What I needed. I didn’t even know what to ask for.

Then a friend sent a text. This friend had met Dad once but didn’t really know him. But still, she knew I was hurting. I saw who it was and almost put the phone down without reading the text, but I saw the message and it stopped me:

Will you be home at 8:30 tonight?

What’s weird is this friend lives 12 hours away from me.

Yes, I replied.

“K.”

10 minutes later, she said, “Instacart will be there at 8:30. Open the door for them.”

“What?”

“Grief Groceries.!!”

When Instacart showed up, they put two large bags of groceries on my porch. Frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Oreo cookies. Tinned soup. Stouffer’s lasagna. A gallon of milk. Like that. Things I could heat up if I needed a meal, or pig out on if I needed fat and sugar.

Sometimes, you just need to eat half a box of Oreos.
Notice she didn’t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. She just asked if I would be home.

Grief groceries.

Another friend, who lives out of town, asked Renee to name a restaurant near our house where we like to eat. There is a local chain near our house that is sort of a deli. When we eat supper there, we spend about $25. Renee told her the name of the place.

An hour later, there was a gift card in my inbox for $250. Yes, that is a lot of money, and I understand not everyone can do that. But the wonderful thing was that because it was enough for multiple meals, we didn’t try to save it for “the right time”. We ate there that night, and take out from there several times a week for the next month on nights when I just didn’t have the spoons to cook.

Both of those gift-givers knew something I didn’t know – that when you are grieving, you don’t want to make decisions. No, that’s not quite it: You can’t make decisions. You hit decision fatigue really fast.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t ask grieving people to make big choices or decisions. “How can I help” is a big choice. But “Can I take the kids this afternoon so you can have some time to yourself” is a much smaller one. “Will you be home tonight?” is a small choice. “What restaurant do you like” is a small decision. Just showing up to cut their grass because you noticed it needed cutting is loads better than asking, “Do you want me to cut the grass?” Or, “I’m going to Target. What can I get you while I’m there?” is better than “Can I run any errands for you?”

It won’t always be like this. If you stick around, eventually they will surface and ways to be helpful will make themselves known. But in the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as you can!”

Original Words from: Hugh Hollowell Jr.

The brain is not the origin of consciousness, and this has major implications on our everyday life.

https://nexusnewsfeed.com/article/home-family-pets/what-impact-do-our-intentions-have-on-reality/

We are in deep, deep trouble!

A fire engine never stops to respond to the yapping dogs. It stays the course regardless of their number or the loudness of their yapping. The driver does not even look at them, for to do so would be a distraction which may cause an accident.

It takes a lot of your attention to respond to criticism. Attention that does not yield a productive result but takes your attention away from your goals.

The worst among us do not produce, they seek to destroy and take as many down as they self-destruct.

One characteristic of them is that they are constantly involved in warfare of one sort or another.

So if you take up cudgels against each and every critic or attacker you are not only diverting your attention away from you own goals but you are by your actions, consigning yourself to that group of people from whom you would most like to stay separate.

I read recently that nobody ever wins an argument. By arguing with someone it just causes his viewpoint to become more fixed.

I looked back on my time involved in discussions with people and realised the author spoke sooth. I had never ‘won’ an argument. I had never changed someone’s mind by presenting ideas and data contrary to their position.

I, too, have fallen victim to the desire to ‘set the record straight’, to engage in communication with the person themselves to correct perceived inaccuracies, or worse, lies. I have also, like you, told my circle of the lies in an endeavour to keep them accurately informed.

One of your most powerful assets is your communication lines. Whenever you forward a lie, untruth or false data on your comm lines you are using those comm lines to forward your detractor/enemy’s message. In other words you are empowering their communication. You should not do this.

By all means advise your good works on your comm lines, inform your circle of the truths that will counter the enemy’s lies, but don’t put the enemy’s communications on your lines.

The other factor is that the opinions people form are just as much a result of where they are ‘at’, maybe much more so, than the data to which they are exposed. So if someone goes through life choosing the believe every false report and malicious rumour, any rebuttal from you will be disregarded by them.

In short, the best advice I can give is, for each area of your life, to work out what the product is you are most desirous of producing then align your activities with the production of that product.

By all means respond to an enemy campaign but mainly by the production of PR (Public Relations) pieces that dispel lies and demonstrate your effective cause, your good works.

As an example of purposes and products:

My purpose in life is to understand.

My secondary purpose is to raise others to a higher level of awareness, ability, intelligence and competence.

My two purposes with social media are
“To broadly disseminate truth and wisdom.”
“To brace, inform, arm and reassure the Remnant.”

So my product in life is is an individual who is more aware, more intelligent and more competent.

Appealing to the Remnant Rather Than The Masses

This is a resoundingly good listen for those who are aware and who despair of the masses. I see no indication you fall into that category nevertheless you too may get something from it but even more likely, you will come across people for whom it is very relevant.

https://mises.org/library/isaiahs-job-0