Category: Humour/Humor

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“There is a theory…” by Douglas Adams

Still brings a smile to my dial, hope it does to yours too!

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” -Douglas Adams

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Mahna-Mahna

If there’s one tune that’s sure to get stuck in your head and rattle around all day, it’s the classic Mahna Mahna. This early appearance during a 1969 episode of Sesame Street will crawl into your ear and won’t let go. “Mah Nà Mah Nà” was originally written by Piero Umiliani and first appeared in the Italian film “Sweden: Heaven and Hell” (Svezia, Inferno E Paradiso).

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Don’t Mess With Old People!

The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money by gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it”, says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “Okay. Go ahead.” Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “It’s a bet.” Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possible manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really”, says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
Moral of the story is, don’t mess with old people!