Category: Humour/Humor

Liz Ellis Told A Great Joke Which Said Everything About Women’s Sport Now
You remember Liz Ellis, right? She’s the former Australian netball captain who has also been top TV talent on various shows over the years, and is a great speaker and terrific role model. Who doesn’t love Liz Ellis?
So Liz — because seriously, who else? — was the MC at the Wednesday launch of the new Suncorp Super Netball league, which is the rebranded version of whatever the old netball league was called.
As Liz was introducing the team captains, she shared a story. You’ll love this. Over to you, Liz.
“There’s a bit of talk at the moment about how women’s sport is an overnight success and I don’t mind that. It really came home to me during the Olympics last year.
I was lying in bed with my five-year-old daughter and we were watching the television flicking between the Opals (basketballers), the Matildas (soccer) and the Pearls (our gold medal-winning women’s rugby team) and we were watching all these women going around playing team sports and my little girl turned to me and she said:
‘Mummy, why don’t boys play sport?’
And I said ‘My darling that’s because they’re ironing’.”
At which point everyone laughed. But Ellis’s daughter Evelyn wasn’t done yet on that August evening in front of the Olympics.
“A few minutes later she said, “Mummy, what’s ironing?” and I thought, “My work here is done.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/2017/02/15/liz-ellis-told-a-great-joke-which-said-everything-about-womens/

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.” The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?” The Farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot! Now, it’s my turn!”
The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up. You can have the duck!”

The graphic artist and the proof reader and the printer should probably get a rectal examination. Or is that retinal? 🙂