{"id":7622,"date":"2013-09-29T06:07:57","date_gmt":"2013-09-28T20:07:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/?p=7622"},"modified":"2013-09-29T06:07:57","modified_gmt":"2013-09-28T20:07:57","slug":"warning-only-to-be-read-with-empty-bladder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/?p=7622","title":{"rendered":"Warning! Only to be read with empty bladder!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Don&#8217;t mess with old people (especially little old ladies):<br \/>\nA little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.<br \/>\nNoticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, &#8220;Ma&#8217;am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;Oh really? Darn it!&#8221; said the little old lady. &#8220;I&#8217;d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.&#8221;<br \/>\nWell, now, not so fast,&#8221; said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn&#8217;t steal it, did you?&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;Oh, no, no, nothing like that&#8221;, said the old lady. &#8220;You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden.<br \/>\nIt used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, &#8216;why not make the best of it?&#8217; So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers&#8230;.<br \/>\nEvery time some guy sticks his thingy through my fence, I surprise him, I grab hold of it and say, &#8216;O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.&#8217;<br \/>\n&#8220;Well, that seems only fair,&#8221; said the cop, laughing. &#8220;OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what&#8217;s in the other bag?&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;Well, you know how it is in business&#8221;, said the little old lady, &#8220;not everybody pays.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Don&#8217;t mess with old people (especially little old ladies): A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, &#8220;Ma&#8217;am, there &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/?p=7622\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Warning! Only to be read with empty bladder!&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general-interest","category-humourhumor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7622","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7622"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7622\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7622"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7622"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7622"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}