![\"Grief](\"http:\/\/www.tomgrimshaw.com\/tomsblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Grief_Groceries-300x300.jpg\")
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Some great advice for those who wish to help someone struggling!<\/p>\n
Grief Groceries!<\/p>\n
I saw this letter today- as a funeral directors son, I have been around this for years. This is some of the best advice I have ever seen.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey there, Thanks for writing. I\u2019m really glad your friend has you in her life.<\/p>\n
I get it. Grief is a funny thing. It\u2019s the time in our life when we most need help, and also the time when asking for help is so hard. Not because we are ashamed to ask for help, although that happens sometimes too. But mostly because our brain just sort of shuts down.<\/p>\n
When my Dad died, I looked functional. But I wasn\u2019t OK. Not at all. And when the news got out, the ton of people flooding me with calls, texts, and DM\u2019s was overwhelming. I really couldn\u2019t function. I sat on the swing in our yard and just stared into space.<\/p>\n
People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, anything you need at all, let me know, OK?\u201d
\n\u201cOK\u201d.<\/p>\n
They hung up. I stared into space some more.<\/p>\n
I had no idea what to do. What I needed. I didn\u2019t even know what to ask for.<\/p>\n
Then a friend sent a text. This friend had met Dad once but didn\u2019t really know him. But still, she knew I was hurting. I saw who it was and almost put the phone down without reading the text, but I saw the message and it stopped me:<\/p>\n
Will you be home at 8:30 tonight?<\/p>\n
What\u2019s weird is this friend lives 12 hours away from me.<\/p>\n
Yes, I replied.<\/p>\n
\u201cK.\u201d<\/p>\n
10 minutes later, she said, \u201cInstacart will be there at 8:30. Open the door for them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGrief Groceries.!!\u201d<\/p>\n
When Instacart showed up, they put two large bags of groceries on my porch. Frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Oreo cookies. Tinned soup. Stouffer\u2019s lasagna. A gallon of milk. Like that. Things I could heat up if I needed a meal, or pig out on if I needed fat and sugar.<\/p>\n
Sometimes, you just need to eat half a box of Oreos.
\nNotice she didn\u2019t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. She just asked if I would be home.<\/p>\n
Grief groceries.<\/p>\n
Another friend, who lives out of town, asked Renee to name a restaurant near our house where we like to eat. There is a local chain near our house that is sort of a deli. When we eat supper there, we spend about $25. Renee told her the name of the place.<\/p>\n
An hour later, there was a gift card in my inbox for $250. Yes, that is a lot of money, and I understand not everyone can do that. But the wonderful thing was that because it was enough for multiple meals, we didn\u2019t try to save it for \u201cthe right time\u201d. We ate there that night, and take out from there several times a week for the next month on nights when I just didn\u2019t have the spoons to cook.<\/p>\n
Both of those gift-givers knew something I didn\u2019t know \u2013 that when you are grieving, you don\u2019t want to make decisions. No, that\u2019s not quite it: You can\u2019t make decisions. You hit decision fatigue really fast.<\/p>\n
So, I guess what I\u2019m saying is, don\u2019t ask grieving people to make big choices or decisions. \u201cHow can I help\u201d is a big choice. But \u201cCan I take the kids this afternoon so you can have some time to yourself\u201d is a much smaller one. \u201cWill you be home tonight?\u201d is a small choice. \u201cWhat restaurant do you like\u201d is a small decision. Just showing up to cut their grass because you noticed it needed cutting is loads better than asking, \u201cDo you want me to cut the grass?\u201d Or, \u201cI\u2019m going to Target. What can I get you while I\u2019m there?\u201d is better than \u201cCan I run any errands for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
It won\u2019t always be like this. If you stick around, eventually they will surface and ways to be helpful will make themselves known. But in the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as you can!\u201d<\/p>\n
Original Words from: Hugh Hollowell Jr.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Some great advice for those who wish to help someone struggling! Grief Groceries! I saw this letter today- as a funeral directors son, I have been around this for years. This is some of the best advice I have ever seen. \u201cHey there, Thanks for writing. I\u2019m really glad your friend has you in her … <\/p>\n