Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?
\nNo sir, it’s Google Pizza.
\nI must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
\nNo sir, Google bought Gordon\u2019s Pizza last month.
\nOK. I would like to order a pizza..
\nDo you want your usual, sir?
\nMy usual? You know me?
\nAccording to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.
\nOK! That\u2019s what I want.
\nMay I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?
\nWhat? I detest vegetables.
\nYour cholesterol is not good, sir.
\nHow the hell do you know?
\nWell, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
\nOkay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
\nExcuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.
\nI bought more from another drugstore.
\nThat doesn\u2019t show on your credit card statement.
\nI paid in cash.
\nBut you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
\nI have other sources of cash.
\nThat doesn\u2019t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
\nWHAT THE HECK?
\nI’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
\nEnough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
\nI understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza? No sir, it’s Google Pizza. I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry. No sir, Google bought Gordon\u2019s Pizza last month. OK. I would like to order a pizza.. Do you want your usual, sir? My usual? You know me? According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 … <\/p>\n