Please share this piece. If this somehow gives just one kid a way out of a bad situation, we can all feel privileged to have been a part of that.<\/p>\n
Recently I asked these kids a simple question:\u00a0 \u201cHow many of you have found yourself in situations where things started happening that you weren\u2019t comfortable with, but you stuck around, mainly because you felt like you didn\u2019t have a way out?\u201d<\/p>\n
They all raised their hands.<\/p>\n
Every single one of them.<\/span><\/p>\n In the spirit of transparency \u2026 I get it.\u00a0 Though in my mid-forties, I\u2019m still in touch with that awkward boy who often felt trapped in the unpredictable currents of teenage experiences.\u00a0 I can\u2019t count the times sex, drugs, and alcohol came rushing into my young world; I wasn\u2019t ready for any of it, but I didn\u2019t know how to escape and, at the same time, not castrate myself socially.\u00a0 I still recall my first time drinking beer at a friend\u2019s house in junior high school\u2014I hated it, but I felt cornered.\u00a0 As an adult, that now seems silly, but it was my reality at the time.\u00a0 \u201cPeer pressure\u201d was a frivolous term for an often silent, but very real thing; and I certainly couldn\u2019t call my parents and ask them to rescue me.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t supposed to be there in the first place.\u00a0 As a teen, forcing down alcohol seemed a whole lot easier than offering myself up for punishment, endless nagging and interrogation, and the potential end of freedom as I knew it.<\/p>\n For these reasons, we now have something called the \u201cX-plan\u201d in our family.\u00a0 This simple, but powerful tool is a lifeline that our kids are free to use at any time.\u00a0 Here\u2019s how it works:<\/p>\n Let\u2019s say that my youngest, Danny, gets dropped off at a party.\u00a0 If anything about the situation makes him uncomfortable, all he has to do is text the letter \u201cX\u201d to any of us (his mother, me, his older brother or sister).\u00a0 The one who receives the text has a very basic script to follow.\u00a0 Within a few minutes, they call Danny\u2019s phone.\u00a0 When he answers, the conversation goes like this:<\/p>\n \u201cHello?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cDanny, something\u2019s come up and I have to come get you right now.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll tell you when I get there.\u00a0 Be ready to leave in five minutes.\u00a0 I\u2019m on my way.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n At that point, Danny tells his friends that something\u2019s happened at home, someone is coming to get him, and he has to leave.<\/p>\n In short, Danny knows he has a way out; at the same time, there\u2019s no pressure on him to open himself to any social ridicule.\u00a0 He has the freedom to protect himself while continuing to grow and learn to navigate his world.<\/p>\n This is one of the most loving things we\u2019ve ever given him, and it offers him a sense of security and confidence in a world that tends to beat our young people into submission.<\/p>\n However, there\u2019s one critical component to the X-plan:\u00a0 Once he\u2019s been extracted from the trenches, Danny knows that he can tell us as much or as little as he wants \u2026\u00a0but it\u2019s completely up to him.<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 The X-plan comes with the agreement that we will pass no judgments and ask no questions (even if he is 10 miles away from where he\u2019s supposed to be).\u00a0 This can be a hard thing for some parents (admit it, some of us are complete control-freaks); but I promise it might not only save them, but it will go a long way in building trust between you and your kid.<\/p>\n (One caveat here is that Danny knows if someone is in danger, he has a moral obligation to speak up for their protection, no matter what it may cost him personally.\u00a0 That\u2019s part of the lesson we try to teach our kids\u2014we are our brother\u2019s keeper, and sometimes we have to stand for those too weak to stand for themselves.\u00a0 Beyond that, he doesn\u2019t have to say a word to us.\u00a0 Ever.)<\/p>\n For many of us parents, we lament the intrusion of technology into our relationships.\u00a0 I hate seeing people sit down to dinner together and then proceed to stare into their phones.\u00a0 It drives me nuts when my kids text me from another room in our house.\u00a0 However, cell phones aren\u2019t going away, so we need to find ways to use this technology to help our kids in any way we can.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nX-Plan<\/em><\/h2>\n